The French are polite – in their own way. Many misunderstandings with newcomers arise not from the language but from small rules nobody explains. Here are the most important ones.
“Bonjour” is not a greeting, it's an entry ticket
When you walk into a bakery, a pharmacy or an office, you say “Bonjour” first – ideally with “Madame” or “Monsieur”. Only then do you state what you want. Starting straight with your question comes across as rude and often earns a frosty welcome. From early evening it's “Bonsoir”; when leaving, “Bonne journée” or “Bonne soirée”.
Tu or vous?
- When in doubt, always “vous” – with neighbours, tradespeople, in shops, with officials, at the notaire's
- The “tu” is usually offered by the older or more senior person, often with “On peut se tutoyer ?”
- Among younger people, at the sports club or among parents at school, “tu” comes faster
- Children are addressed as “tu” – and dogs, of course
Bise or handshake?
In business and when meeting someone for the first time, you shake hands. Among acquaintances and neighbours you see often, there is the bise – light kisses on the cheek. In the Alpes-Maritimes it's usually two, in some parts of Provence three. Let the other person lead.
Titles and forms of address
- Notaires and lawyers are addressed as “Maître”
- Doctors as “Docteur”
- The mayor is “Monsieur le Maire” or “Madame le Maire”
- Formal emails begin with “Madame, Monsieur,” and end far more elaborately than in English, e.g. “Je vous prie d'agréer, Madame, Monsieur, l'expression de mes salutations distinguées”. Among acquaintances, “Bien cordialement” is enough
Food, time and invitations
- Lunch is sacred. Between 12 and 2 pm, many shops, mairies and tradespeople cannot be reached
- Invited for apéro? Bring something small – a bottle of wine, flowers or something from home. And expect it to last longer than planned
- Punctuality: expected for appointments; for private invitations, the “quart d'heure de politesse” applies – arriving a quarter of an hour late is polite
- Splitting the bill: separate bills are unusual in restaurants. Usually one person pays, or the total is divided by the number of guests
Getting on with the neighbours
- Introduce yourself briefly after moving in – it makes a lot easier, especially if you are often away
- Give notice of noisy works or a party
- A neighbour who keeps an eye on the house while you are away is worth their weight in gold – a small gift from home is well invested
And if your French is still shaky: an attempt is almost always well received, accent and mistakes included.
